When Little Aunty Ruled the Playground
A playground fight, a feather duster in sight,
Two mothers quarrelling with all their might.
While children giggled and neighbours watched with glee,
Uncle cried, “Where's my kachang puteh?
When I was young, I was bigger than most children my age. I was also rather boyish, and getting into fights was nothing unusual.
What did we fight over?
地盘 (territory), of course!
Especially at the playground.
"Oi! This slide is mine!"
"What yours? Government one hor!"
"Not happy ah? Come fight lah!"
"OK loh!"
And just like that, the battle began!
Sometimes, it was over something even sillier.
"Oi! The swing wanna snap liao! You so fat!"
PIAK! Another fight!
There were even occasions when gangs of children from other neighbourhoods came to challenge us. Then it became one neighbourhood against another!
But we children were funny creatures. Today fight, tomorrow forgive and forget. Sometimes we played happily together again, until the next disagreement started another battle!
The Kampung News Network
Back then, we had no handphones, WhatsApp or internet.
But our neighbours were faster than any group chat!
By the time I reached home, Mama already knew everything.
And waiting for me?
Her trusty feather duster!
After the punishment came the most unexpected question.
"Who won?"
Usually, I did lah! After all, I was bigger than most children my age.
Mama would just keep quiet.
But my troubles weren't over yet.
Grandma would join in with another round of scolding.
Then Grandpa would announce:
"See! I told you all she's very boyish! Sending her to Cantonese opera was the right choice!"
Aiyoh! I had just survived a fight, and Grandpa was still trying to recruit me into Cantonese opera!
Then came Uncle, the worst of the lot.
"Fight ah? Where ah? Never tell me! I go buy kachang puteh!"
AIYOH, UNCLE!
Everybody else wanted to discipline me. He wanted front-row seats and snacks!
When Mama Went to War
Sometimes, I returned home with bruises.
After caning me, Mama would drag me straight to the other child's house to confront the family.
But when the door opened...
Aiyoh! The other child had even more injuries than me!
Then the real championship began.
Mama and the other mother started quarrelling, pointing fingers at each other.
And what were the two children doing?
Giggling together!
We had already forgotten our quarrel, but our mothers were too busy thinking of their next line to overpower each other to notice us laughing!
The men would try to calm things down.
"Aiyah, OK OK lah! Children fighting only! You women also want to fight ah?"
Meanwhile, the neighbours were laughing and enjoying the free show.
We children started the fight, our mothers continued it, the men tried to stop it, and the neighbours enjoyed it!
Papa, My Quiet Protector
Among all the excitement, Papa was the gentle one.
Whenever Mama caned me too badly, he would step forward to shield me.
Sometimes, poor Papa accidentally kena caned too!
Afterwards, he would prepare medicated wine for my bruises and gently remind me:
"Don't be so naughty lah."
Once, after getting caught in the caning, Papa protested.
"Why you cane me too?"
Mama replied, "Because you don't know how to look after your daughter!"
Papa asked, "Not your daughter also meh?"
"Errrr... I go play mahjong!"
And just like that, Mama made her grand escape!
Those Wonderful Kampung Days
Looking back now, I can't help laughing at myself.
One little playground quarrel could involve half the neighbourhood and almost my entire family!
Mama had her feather duster.
Grandma had her lecture.
Grandpa had his Cantonese opera theory.
Uncle wanted kachang puteh.
The neighbours had their free entertainment.
And Papa had his medicated wine, his gentle reminder, and his arms ready to shield his naughty little girl.
Those were the days when neighbours knew everybody's business, children fought and made up, and one small quarrel could turn into a whole kampung production.
I may have won most of my playground fights, but looking back, I think the neighbours were the real winners.
After all, they got the best entertainment without paying a single cent!
No comments:
Post a Comment