The Three-Kilo Durian Mystery
Mama went to buy durian,
Three kilos? That caused confusion!
The seller scratched his head in dismay,
While little Aunty watched the drama play!
"Mama, can go home already or not…?"
Throwback To The Old Days — Going To The Market With Mama
The other day, I happened to see an aunty standing at a durian stall bargaining with the seller.
And when I say bargaining, I don't mean quietly asking, “Can cheaper a little?”
No, no.
This aunty was SERIOUS BUSINESS.
She picked up the durian, looked at it, looked at the seller, looked at the weighing scale… then started questioning everything from the weight to the price.
I stood there watching and suddenly thought...
Eh. This scene looks very familiar leh.
And just like that, my mind travelled many years back to the days when I was young and Mama used to bring me along to the market which was just part of everyday life. I would follow beside her while she moved from stall to stall, choosing vegetables, fish, meat and whatever else we needed for home.
At that age, I didn't think there was anything special about it. It was simply Mama going to market, and little me tagging along.
But there was one stop that could turn an ordinary market trip into a full-scale negotiation…
The durian stall.
When we reached the durian stall?
That was where Mama truly showed her talent.
Because Mama didn't simply buy durians.
Mama negotiated treaties over them...
And there stood little me beside her, watching the beginning of another episode of...
Mama vs The Durian Seller
Once Mama picked up a durian, the bargaining championship officially began.
With Mama around, buying durian was practically a business negotiation.
She could pick up a durian, hold it for a few seconds and somehow already have an idea how heavy it was.
The durian seller placed one on the scale.
Seller: “Aunty, this one three kilo.”
Mama immediately looked suspicious.
Mama: “Three kilo?! Real or not?! Where got three kilo?”
Seller: “Aunty, scale say three kilo leh.”
Mama lifted the durian again as though her two hands were a more reliable weighing machine.
Mama: “This one where got three kilo? Two kilo only lah!”
Seller: “Aunty… really three kilo.”
Mama pointed at the durian.
You count the husk, stem, thorn AND AIR INSIDE AH?! Fruit inside 2kg only lah!” 😠
Seller: “Aunty… durian sell by whole fruit weight leh…”
Mama: “THEN I PAY YOU FOR HUSK FOR WHAT? I GO HOME EAT THORN AH?”
Me standing behind, pretending I don't know her: 👀
Me: “Mama… people sell whole durian by weight lah.”
Mama: “YOU KEEP QUIET. You don't know how to buy.”
Me: 😭
Then comes the most dangerous sentence in the Singapore wet-market vocabulary:
Mama: “OPEN. I SEE FIRST.”
Seller opens it.
Once the durian was opened, Mama would inspect the flesh like QC HOD. Too small? Comment. Empty compartment? Comment. Not enough flesh?
Mama counts the compartments.
One compartment not very full.
Mama: “NAH! I TOLD YOU! THREE KILO WHERE GOT?!”
The poor seller probably didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Me: “Mama, the husk really IS part of the durian…”
Mama: “Then you eat the husk.”
Young me standing beside her: 👀
I knew better than to interfere.
Never interrupt Mama when Durian Negotiation Department was in session.
Then Mama turn around...
Mama: “WHY YOU STANDING THERE? HELP ME CARRY!”
Me: “Orh…”
And somehow, after all the bargaining, inspecting and arguing over a few dollars, we would eventually walk home carrying our durians.
Back then, I probably thought:
“Aiyoh Mama… buy durian only, why so troublesome?
But now, when I think back, I can still picture her standing at the stall, bargaining confidently with the seller.
And it makes me smile.
Funny how the memories that stay with us aren't always the big occasions.
Sometimes they're something as ordinary as following Mama to the market… watching her pick up a durian and confidently declare:
“THIS ONE TWO KILO ONLY!”
And if the seller dared to disagree?
Well…
Good luck to him.
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